I'd not even given any thought to my early days of trying to understand my interest in corporal punishment until I read the post but can recall between the ages of about 12-16 I used to experiment with self whipping, rather than self spanking.
I was totally infatuated by corporal punishment. I can’t describe the fear I had in me, worrying about the prospect of being caned at school. It wasn’t just the fear of the caning itself but also the fear of the humiliation it might bring. But despite that I desperately wanted to know what it felt like to be caned.
On reflection I was sadly too much of a goodie, goodie at school. I desperately wanted to be one of the bad boys and end up standing outside the Head’s office, awaiting a caning but it never happened.
I used to spend hours wondering how much it would really hurt. The use of the cane wasn’t that prevalent in our school but the boys that were caned spoke of the intense sting that six strokes left – even over school trousers.
So in my quest to know what it felt like I tried whacking myself. The only implements I could find in our house were things like washing line, which had a kind on inner thread or rubbery material with a thick plastic coating, and curtain wire, which was literally wire coated with plastic. I found them in my dad's shed and cut maybe 12-18" lengths off the reels and then tried to whack my bare bottom with them. The curtain wire was just too heavy and severe but the washing line left satisfactory tramlines and stung like hell.
But it never really worked for me because it was too easy to stop after one really hard whack and, while I wanted to experience what it was like to have maybe six to a dozen hard whacks, I never had the courage to try more that two or three swipes and could never be rally accurate.
What excited me, wasn’t just the act of self-spanking, but playing out scenarios in the shed, knowing I could get caught. I never did but I used to imagine the abject humiliation if either of my parents ever found me playing these games. I used to think about the severe whipping it might entail – even though my parents were not strict disciplinarians at all.
Even now, I wonder in they ever found my lengths of wire that I’d cut off and wondered ‘why?’
In my late teens and early adult life I experimented with hairbrushes, paddles and even a tawse but always found it unsatisfactory, It was only once I’d experienced a real punishment session and realised just how painful, but how satisfying it could be, that how pathetic my self-spanking efforts had been.
Kaelah asked how we could be sure we would enjoy that first real spanking experience. For me, I had to wait until I was over 40 to answer that question to myself. Even after a lifetime of frustration, my interest in the subject had never waned and, despite the intense sting of my first caning, I enjoyed a real sense of satisfaction, pleasure and relief from the experience.